year of the golden dragon

As the years goes by it never seems to get easy loosing a loved one. And today I am heavily reminded of that simple fact. Four years ago I lost my cousin and nothing ever feels right anymore. I was just coming home from a church activity when I first met him. I was 16 and him and his family had just flew in from California. We spent the holidays together and slept in the living room while telling stories of our times in Vietnam. They told me I was a baby and the absolute cutest. We went to New York that year and got to spend NYE together. That year I was going to get a chance to visit them in California. It was the second time I flew on an airplane. First time I had seen the rolling hills of Los Angeles. The palm trees and the iconic HOLLYWOOD sign. It was the first time I felt alive. Like I had found my piece of heaven on earth. He drove us to the beach that summer. Corona del Mar. We took pictures and had lunch. I didn’t have a bathing suit so his sisters loaned me one since I was just about their size. That night we drove back to his house in Moreno Valley. Had a BBQ and told one another that whatever happened in our lives. We were forever blessed to know one another. 

Fast forward to December 2007. I had just moved back home from Allentown, PA. Phillip and my uncle was visiting us hoping to go to the Asian Apothecary to get some herbal medicine for him. That was the beginning. Christmas rolled around and he spent the majority of it in bed. Unable to hold his two month old son. He was then sent to the local hospital there in Elkridge, MD when they found the tuberculosis. It was already starting to attack his body and the decision was made to move him to the hospital in Baltimore. John Hopkins I believe it was called. We would go down to visit and I eventually ended up staying down there for three weeks. Postponed my semester at Rosemont and I wasn’t even upset about that. He fought the good fight all through January and just when we thought that things were getting better. He slipped into a coma. For his birthday (it was on the 10th) I sang him a song and apologized for sounding off key. I told him “don’t worry I’ll get better once next year rolls around and I will sing to you again”. I never got the chance because days after his birthday. He passed away. And when the news trickled down to our family. I was stunned. In shock and I couldn’t believe what was going on. We drove to Maryland that night and grieved with my uncle and his family. His friends and family from all over came to bid their goodbyes and when they couldn’t muster up the courage to give a eulogy at his funeral. I was asked to speak. And let me tell you nothing hurts more than standing 10 feet away from someone and tell him how much I loved him and how his passing was painful to me. I got so choked up that I couldn’t talk for five whole minutes. I spent five minutes just letting myself cry and mourn. I finished my eulogy and followed the entourage to the crematory. The 20 minutes that followed are so painful. I can’t even describe it. 

The week of his funeral my best friend tweeted me the following “And I’m sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here. And if we all believed in heaven maybe we’ll make it through one more year.” That honestly couldn’t have come at a better time and I thank God that she is in my life. Phillip was 26 when he passed. He was a son, brother, cousin, father and husband. His son was four months old when he passed. He recently just turned four this past October and he is the spitting image of his father. I will be 26 this year. I am so appreciative for the life that I’ve been given and for the chance to have gotten to know Phillip. Never take for granted your time with your loved ones because you might never know what tomorrow holds. Cherish them and tell them you love them every day.